5 things NOT to say to your picky eater:
A quick disclaimer that I can almost guarantee that every adult would have said at least one, if not all, of the following phrases to a child in their life at some point, so please go easy on the guilt-shaming as you read on; we only say these things because we care! We want to make sure our children are fed and well-nourished from a varied diet but more importantly, we want them to experience the enjoyment of trying new, delicious food - food we are sure they will love, if only they would try it! But sometimes our words send the wrong messages, which can knock our child’s confidence and make them less likely to try again. Keep reading to learn what phrases to avoid and what you could try saying instead.
“Just try it!”
Despite what it may feel like as your child throws their bowl of food on the ground and screams at you, your child really does love you unconditionally and is always looking for your approval. So the fact that they are having genuine difficulty with a task that is seemingly so easy for everyone else can potentially create feelings of shame, embarrassment and guilt for disappointing you. This adds a level of pressure for the child at every meal time, adding to what’s probably already a stressful time for your family.
Instead try:
-Modelling trying new/challenging foods yourself. If you won’t try something challenging, why would you expect your child to?
-Give praise for what they DO try (even if it’s not actually eating the food) e.g. I’m proud of you for letting me put the broccoli on your plate tonight!
“Mmm, yummy!”
We’ve all taken a big bite of something then stared at a child proclaiming its “yumminess” in an attempt to get them to try it, right? But the problem is what if the child tries the food but genuinely doesn’t find it yummy? In fact, to them it tastes awful! Why would they ever then trust you when you say that a food is yummy again?
Instead try:
-Describe the properties of the food; What colour is it? What shape is it? Is it cold, crunchy, sweet or spicy? This way you can start to make comparisons between new foods and foods that your child already eats e.g. this chicken tender is warm, crunchy on the outside and has white in the middle, like the nuggets we had yesterday.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, there will be no dessert!”
Whilst this might work in the short term, it’s not sustainable to only achieve eating through bribery for the rest of your child’s life. Furthermore, it’s not always possible – what if you are at a friend’s house and there is no dessert to offer as a reward? Food is fuel for our body, not something to be given as a reward or taken away as punishment for our child’s behaviour, and we want to instill this message as early as possible.
Instead try:
-Have a break between dinner and dessert / supper. Tell your child that “dinner is finished” and let them go and do something else for at least 20 minutes, then offer something else to eat as a separate event. This way they are less likely to get into the mindset that “if I don’t eat dinner I still get offered dessert anyway, so I don’t have to try”.
-If you aren’t offering dessert / pudding that night and they ask why not, explain that it’s because dessert is a sometimes food, not because they didn’t eat all of their dinner.
“Chew your food properly!”
Learning to eat is a skill that children need to develop and master just like walking and talking, and as you may recall from the toddler years, chewing with their mouth open is actually a very normal developmental stage of learning to eat. It is not uncommon for children trying a new food to regress to this style of eating, particularly as this makes it easier to spit it out if they don’t like it. So when you see this happening – try to remember your priority here is them trying the new food – etiquette can come later!
Instead try:
Model a way that you are comfortable with your child spitting out something they don’t like such as having a ‘reject cup’ within reach or napkins on the table.
“Yuck!” (or any facial expressions that say the same thing)
The behaviour we model is the behaviour our children learn. So, if we eat something we don’t like and all we say is “yuck!” before tossing it aside, they learn that this is an acceptable reason to reject food. Whilst we want our child to know that it is ok to say no to certain foods, we want to know why they are saying no so that we can modify it for a successful attempt at trying it again in the future.
Instead try:
-This broccoli is too soggy for me, I prefer when my vegetables are crunchy
Remember, you won’t get it right all the time, and that’s ok! But the more you practice, the easier it will get. Family meal times should be a fun, social, enjoyable experience, not the source of stress! If you would like some extra support and strategies to help manage your child’s picky eating, please get in touch for an appointment, I’d love to help!